Firing the Seat Filler


Seat Filler? So you may be wondering “what’s a seat filler?” Well at award shows they hire people to sit in a celebrities seat if they’re a no show or they’re late or they’re backstage getting ready to perform, so the audience doesn’t look empty when on camera. Those people are called seat fillers. They’re placeholders for the real deal. And I don’t know about you but I’ve had quite a few “seat filler” relationships. You know, someone you just entertain for the time being. You have no real intention on being in a serious committed relationship with them or getting married to them, they’re just kinda there.

Why I Got Rid of Mine: I was basically sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had already tried dating the world’s way and it wasn’t working. So I decided to do things God’s way because I saw how He’d worked in other people’s relationships. And so it dawned on me that if I’m over here entertaining a guy I don’t really see myself with, I might miss out on the guy that God has for me. I don’t know if God has just one person on this earth for me, but I do believe that there are some definite no’s out there. And the guys I used to entertain were DEFINITE NO’s.

So I wrote down a list of the things I want in a husband and I encourage everyone else to do so. Not a stupid list like “he must be 6’5, 2 years older than me, and make 6 figures…. oh AND have a beard”. No, I made a list of the things that were ACTUALLY important. Number one on my list was a guy that has a REAL relationship with God. He has to know how to hear God’s voice. Number 2, he has to know his purpose because when I become a wife, one of my jobs is to be a help meet (I’ll go more into depth about that in another post). But anyways, even though there are a few other things on my list, every guy that has seriously tried to pursue me on that level hasn’t even made it past the top two things on my list! So there was no point in me wasting my time.

And don’t get me wrong I’m not bashing relationships at all, I’m bashing POINTLESS relationships. I’m bashing relationships where you play house and all you do is hang out with that person day and night and have sex all the time. But you don’t even have a plan for where the relationship is going. Ya’ll are just “having fun” And while you call that having fun, what it really is, is practicing divorce and infidelity. Because you’re not thinking this is a forever thing, you’re thinking it’s a for the moment thing.

We practice divorce when we go from relationship to relationship and break up to make up. And people who just sleep around and do the whole “ no strings attached” thing are practicing infidelity. If you think for a second that you’re going to automatically change just because you have a ring on your finger one day, you’re in for a big surprise. So when you do end up getting married you’re going to be so used to sleeping around that the idea of being committed to one person for the rest of your life is foreign. And you’re going to get tempted to step out of your marriage because you’re used to just being able to leave or break up or find a new “bae” when things didn’t work out with the old one.

How you practice in your single life will be how you perform in your married life. When you finally do find that person you want to spend the rest of your life with you’re going to have a rough time trying to break those bad habits you formed in your single life. So why not get your act together NOW? The purpose of singleness isn’t to run wild and “get everything out of your system” before you settle down. It’s to prepare. To become whole.

For those of you that want to be married think about it this way. When you know you have a big test coming up that you want to do well on, what do you do? You study for it, you prepare for it, and when you get into that room to take the test, you do much better than the people who only studied the night before or didn’t study at all. So what makes you think when you enter into marriage or even a serious relationship (your big test) that you’re going to do well if all you did was “live it up” in your single life?

Your singleness is time that you should embrace! This past year was the first time I had been ALONE since I was 15! It was hard at first but I got used to it. My roommate probably thought I didn’t have a life because every time she would come to the room I’d be listening to sermons or reading my Bible. But I was learning so much about relationships and God and how He should be at the center of every one. And I was becoming whole and learning so many things about myself that I never knew before. And if you’re not whole by yourself, you’re going to look to your partner to fill voids that aren’t fulfillable by anyone but God. It’s important for you to spend some time alone and get to know yourself before you can know what you’re bringing to someone else’s table. So fire that seat filler of yours. Save that spot for the real deal when he/she comes along!

And my YouTube video is dropping this week too! YAY!

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram @actuallyautumn_

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