Having Higher Standards

couple-arguing

How much do you think you’re worth? Really think about it. What does it take for a guy to win you over? I know for me personally, it used to not take that much. Send me some cute texts, tell me everything I wanted to hear, maybe make me your WCW, just make me feel like I’m special and I was already changing your name in my phone to “future hubby” WITH some emojis of course. Sound somewhat familiar? The crazy thing is, most times we don’t even realize that we’re devaluing ourselves. Putting ourselves on clearance and not making a guy pay full price for us! We’re letting guys get away with putting in much less work than they should be. Your presence, your time, and especially your heart and your body are all things you NEED to make him work for!

Stop Being Easy! – Alright I’m just going to go ahead and say this upfront for the girls reading this who think this doesn’t apply to you because you aren’t dating anyone or you just have a   “friend with benefits” or you’re not looking for a relationship and you just want to have sex. Although I didn’t listen when I was younger, now that I’m older and wiser (lol I’m only 20, but still a lot wiser than my 18 y.o. self!) I wish I would’ve listened to what I’m about to tell you and saved myself from pointless relationships and heartbreaks. So my stepmom used to always tell me not to be the tester bottle… because who REALLY wants to buy the tester? You know when you go shopping and they have tester bottles of perfume or the tester lipstick at the M.A.C. counter that EVERYONE and their mama tries? Yeah you know exactly what I’m talking about. You know good and well that you wouldn’t want to buy that half empty bottle of tester perfume or that used up tester lipstick that everyone’s crusty lips have been on. Because if you buy the tester, you know you’re not getting what you’re paying for. Why pay full price for something that isn’t worth it? Instead, you want to buy the new one, the one that’s packaged all nicely that no one has used before. You have NO intention on buying that tester when you use it. It’s the thing you TRY OUT before you buy the real thing! So my question is why are you treating your own body like a tester when you know EVEN YOU don’t like to buy testers? Why do you allow men to “test” you and use you up just for the fun of it? And then you have the nerve to wonder why he doesn’t respect you?

beyond-scared-straight

Recognize Your Worth – Ok ladies, here’s something you need to get through your head. Men are natural hunters. Any man worth being with is going to be up to the challenge of getting you to like him, be with him, etc. You DON’T have to chase after him. If he’s interested in you, YOU’LL KNOW IT! So stop throwing yourselves at men

You also don’t need to wear the tightest dress or the shortest skirts or shorts to get a man to notice you (for the right reasons at least). I know from experience because I used to dress like that when I went out. Now when I go out, I wear some nice jeans and a cute blouse with some fabulous heels, and I might throw on a cute blazer. You can still be sexy without showing off everything. Leave something to the imagination 🙂

So that being said, I think anyone will agree with me when I say that we value the things we work hard for more than the things that were just given to us. And we definitely value expensive things more than cheap things. I know for me at least, when I buy something cheap, I don’t take as good of care of it as I would if it were expensive because cheap things are disposable. I mean you can just go buy a new one whenever you’re done with the old one.

Let’s take a purse for example. It’s common knowledge that there’s a HUGE DIFFERENCE between a purse from Forever 21 and a purse from Louis Vuitton. The purse from Forever 21 may look nice on the outside, BUT the materials it’s made with suck. The Louis purse is made with better, sturdier materials. Everyday wear and tear on the Louis bag isn’t going to cause it to break like the Forever 21 bag. You know why? Because the Forever 21 purse is made of cheap materials. Not to bash Forever 21 purses, they get the job done for the time being, but you’re probably not investing in one thinking it’s going to last you a lifetime like a Louis would.

That being said, picture yourself at Forever 21. You get up to the counter with your cute purse and they scan it and tell you that the price of that Forever 21 bag is $2,000. Tell me you wouldn’t look at that cashier like they were crazy. Because you KNOW that purse is worth $20 instead of $2,000. But that’s exactly what some of us do. We don’t demand respect from guys upfront so it seems to them like we’re that cheap buy and then later down when they treat us the way we portray ourselves to them, we get upset and wonder why they’re not treating us like the expensive designer purse.  

Now let’s think about it another way. Say you’re in the Louis Vuitton store and you see a FABULOUS purse that’s listed as $2000. You make the decision that you’re going to spend your hard earned money on this purse and you’re going to take care of it because it’s an investment. But you get up to the check out counter and the sales associate tells you that the purse is on sale for $20! (Pshh like that would ever really happen) But if it did, you would run back and grab 5 more of those things in different colors. And ya’ll wonder why you’re not the only one (side eye). OF COURSE a guy is going to have a bunch of women when he doesn’t even have to work hard to get one! But when you work hard to get a quality woman, you won’t need or want more than one because you value her so much. She’s not disposable, she’s actually worth something to you. She’s an investment!

And before you start, I already know what you’re thinking. There ARE men out there who fight for a good woman and STILL mess around on her. That isn’t a real man, that’s a boy who isn’t ready to give up play time and they’re easy to spot if you don’t ignore the red flags.

So examine the kind of woman you are. Are you the Forever 21 purse? You know, the kind of woman who meets a guy, really likes him and after a few days, weeks, months gives him EVERYTHING? Or are you the Louis Vuitton handbag? The kind of woman that is made from the best of the best material and will NEVER EVER go on clearance and let someone purchase her for less than she’s worth?

You are worth way more than a couple of dates and some whispered sweet nothings. I’m telling you if you REALLY want a man who respects you and truly wants you for you, take sex OFF OF THE TABLE. I promise it’ll show you who is and who isn’t there for the right reasons. If a guy is trying to pursue me, the FIRST things I ask him is if he’s saved and has a REAL relationship with Christ (and just going to church every sunday does NOT count as a relationship). And then I’ll let him know that I’m celibate and I’m now waiting to have sex until I’m married. So far, after that they pretty much just stop texting/talking to me LOL. BUT although ya girls phone is dry as the desert I’M TOTALLY COOL WITH IT because I’m not lowering my standards and wasting my time on some guy who isn’t here for the long run. So yeah that’s that.

Just some helpful tips that you probably already know deep down inside but need to be reiterated.

  1. DO NOT fall for the best friend telling you “I’ve never seen him act like this for anyone before, he must really like you” because get real, you know you’d lie for your best friend so don’t think for second he wouldn’t lie for his. And if it actually is true his actions will speak louder than his and everyone else’s words.
  2. When a guy tells you he’s not ready for a relationship up front, don’t think he’s lying. Don’t stick around and try to ride out the wave hoping that you’ll be able to change his mind. And DEFINITELY don’t settle for that by sticking around and letting him reap the benefits of a relationship without the commitment.

Love,

Autumn

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6 thoughts on “Having Higher Standards

  1. WOW! This is real talk Autumn!

    It is so important for us to have higher standards, especially when it comes to dating.

    One of the biggest mistakes we can make is accepting less than what we deserve.

    Thank you for sharing such an important message!

    Liked by 1 person

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